I love Chicago. I got on a bus and asked the driver, Do you go to the Loop? He said, No, I go beep-beep!

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

The other day I started to take a course in psycho-ceramics. What is psycho-ceramics? It's the study of crackpots.

There are many things that I find attractive about a woman. Foremost to me, of course, would be a sense of humor-but that doesn't come in a bottle.

A woman driver went through a red light. The cop stopped her and said, Lady, didn't you see that red light? The woman said, You've seen one, you've seen them all.

The kick [of comedy] is to think quickly. It's a great kick.

You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future.

Cultivate the habit of defining, refining, redefining and redeeming your opportunities. Failure is a temporal event, not a permanent trademark.

Sometimes there's not a better way. Sometimes there's only the hard way.

Mehr als das Leben lieb' ich meine Freiheit. More than life, I cherish freedom.

Tragedy is chic but discontent is dowdy.

One of the greatest things I've learned, as an actor, was how to talk to actors.

A nightmare is a big dream....with a bad team.

I've always been fascinated by the concept of time.

The Alexander Technique keeps the body alive, at ages when many people have resigned themselves to irreversible decline.

The real terrorist threats are George W. Bush and his band of brown-shirted thugs.

Those who wish to be ignorant and free, believe in something that never was and never shall be.