I love Downton Abbey. It's just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.

I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.

I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.

I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.

Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?

For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.

I only got into comedy to get laid

Miracle centered gospel brings about the culture of indolence and insolence upon the country.

I have been treated better than I should have been---not by life in general nor by the machinery of things but by women.

We have some bad hombres here, and we're going to get them out.

The only bowl Rutgers is going to is the one I just got off of.

Who hearkens to the gods, the gods give ear.

It's nice to be financially secure. Apart from that, I really don't care too much about money.

When you seek a connection to God, you suffer. God is not absent.

I've been having a lot of dance parties alone in my apartment while learning to cook. Part of my quest to be an attractive single is to learn how to cook and sew and get a license.

When politicians rush to fix things, it's a sure sign that either the intended patient is dead or fully healed.

Faced by the actual practice of freedom, the French and American revolutions would be forced to stand by their words.