I love 'Scrubs.' It's the best day job in the world.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Faith is the road, but communion with Jesus is the well from which the pilgrim drinks.

When was the last time someone was so overjoyed to see you, so brimming with love and affection that they literally ran to greet you? A dog will do that for you--ten, twenty, thirty times a day.

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

All doctrine is ultimately the death of joy - even when the doctrine is the elevation of the light above the serious, because joy is too varied and elusive ever to confine itself to one or the other.

I just love musicians. They're not all super-happy all the time, but when they're playing they're happy, and it's such a beautiful thing.

Life need not be easy, provided only that it is not empty.

I have a West Coast rhythm section and a New York rhythm section. I've got them spread out all over the place.

I could tell you stories-if only stories could tell what I have in me to tell.

Holidays, if you enjoy them, have no history.

The difference between that which is humane and that which is patriotic is a vital difference.