I love being down at Occupy Wall Street. The sincerity, the youth involvement, the desire for better, is palpable and moving. There is true caring, sharing, and refreshingly naïve hope.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

It is not the strength, but the duration, of great sentiments that makes great men.

Music wasn't history class

If the butterfly wings its way to the sweet light that attracts it, it's only becasue it doesn't know that the fire can consume it.

It's funny, leaving a place, ain't it?" he said. "You never do know when you'll get back.

For most people the environment controls them rather than being in full control of experiences.

Every man who attacks my belief diminishes in some degree my confidence in it and therefore makes me uneasy and I am angry with him who makes me uneasy.

You always have the memory of the bottom, and fear of the bottom. And when you start going to the bottom you panic.

I feel what they feel. And people who listen to me know that, and it makes them feel like they're not alone.

If you follow reason far enough it always leads to conclusions that are contrary to reason.

We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.