I love comedy and I hope I never stop doing it.

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

Homeschool history tells of more than two centuries of home-teaching influence on American education, although it has been largely obscured by the drawn curtains of conventional bias.

Adaptability to change is itself a hallmark of successful education.

To be great, art has to point somewhere.

There is no higher calling or greater privilege known to man than being involved in helping fulfill the Great Commission.

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'

That's a maple leaf, Canadian, not just for being too European but too Canadian. Not so subtly putting [Ted] Cruz's face inside that maple leaf there.

Keeping the head still is golf's one universal, unarguable fundamental.

I'm not the kind of actor who runs around and insists on being called Stravinsky by everybody, and my family has to call me Igor. I'm not that kind of actor. I think that's pretentious.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

I am left with the conviction that an avalanche would be easier to dissuade than that man.