I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

We're shadows! of naught - living, dying! for what's not.

Maybe Dracula wasn't a vampire, just a raging alcoholic who was constantly hungover.

My mom calls me an older soul because, growing up, she taught me stuff real early. Now I spend most of my time chasing wisdom, chasing understanding.

What are clouds, but an excuse for the sky? What is life, but an escape from death?

I am totally committed to maintaining the freedom and equality America has to provide to every citizen.

You can't legislate morality.

Life is not anything, but an opportunity for something.

Sometimes, you know, you have to cause trouble to end trouble.

I don't want learning, or dignity, or respectability. I want this music, and this dawn, and the warmth of your cheek against mine.

Donald Trump's words are are not funny, his words are poisonous.