I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

If you let go something today In Shaa Allah Allah will also let go something for you....

You've got an answer for everything... It's one of the side effects of being right all the time.

Why would you want someone who is conflicted and doesn't know if they love you or not?

I didn't really want to be a celebrity. It just kind of happened to me.

If our deepest desires cannot be satisfied in this world, then we must have been made for another world.

I went to a Catholic School, and underneath my school uniform, I wore a metal shirt.

It troubles me that people speak about writing for money as ugly and distasteful.

O for a lodge in a garden of cucumbers! O for an iceberg or two at control! O for a vale that at midday the dew cumbers! O for a pleasure trip up to the pole!

I wanted to do something that small towns would enjoy.

An Atheist in Alabama is one that doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.