I love metal songs about metal. That's one of my favorite things. Nobody does that any more. Nobody sings about how metal they are, or about their fans, or about how crazy their pits are.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

Love is circumstantial we can love anyone if need be and losing the one we love is the singular catastrophe. Time does not heal it. Every present moment yearns for even the roughest past.

I existed in a world that never is, a prison of the mind.

Without an ever-present sense of death life is insipid.

'Maybe you out to go back there.' 'Can't. Gotta stay where... where I know what's w

I'M A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

There is no study that is not capable of delighting us after a little application to it.

POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

The brave unfortunate are our best acquaintance.

You know the day destroys the night, Night divides the day, Tried to run, Tried to hide, Break on through to the other side...

Be of good hope in the face of death. Believe in this one truth for certain, that no evil can befall a good man either in life or death, and that his fate is not a matter of indifference to the gods.