I love [my parents], but what if I could really talk to them? I mean, what if they had some answers? Or would that just be too weird?

Writing is 90% procrastination. It is a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write.

Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials.

I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.

There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.

Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey.

I never got that show - Les Miz. It's about the French guy, right, who steals a loaf of bread, and then he suffers for the rest of his life. For Toast. Get over it!

If God didn't want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.

My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice.

Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you..., " she kept repeating, in a demonic whisper. "I have to show you... my butt.

I wrote you this poem because i was afraid/ To come out and tell you i want to get laid.

Pain is the fuel that lights the flame of our enlightenment

Stay Weird, Stay Different.

Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.

Everyday, I have the choice to live a life of compassion that not only saves animals, but helps the environment.

Those who know it do not speak about it. Those who speak about it do not know it.

All I ever really want to know is how other people are making it through life—where do they put their body, hour by hour, and how do they cope inside of it.

If you are going to impose your will on the world, you must have control over what you believe.

The moon of a bright silver, which dazzles by its shining, illumines a world which surely is no longer ours; for it resembles in nothing what may be seen in other lands.

Man is the only living being who has a developed self-awareness and death-awareness.