I love people of all ethnicities, as long as they're not ugly.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

But what I mean is, lots of time you don't know what interests you most till you start talking about something that doesn't interest you most.

Luck is good planning carefully executed.

I'm one of those guys that - as far as relationships and stuff go - if you smile at me, I'm like, 'Let's date for three years' - which is just ridiculous.

Steve Nash is the most unathletic player in the league.

Attainment is a poor measure of capacity, and ignorance no proof of defect.

Once I have children, the kids come first. One thing at a time for me.

Enduring setbacks while maintaining the ability to show others the way to go forward is a true test of leadership.

Life is too short to learn German

What I think a psychic is, unfortunately, I think in this day and age, it's taken on sort of a rancid sound.

One fairer than my love? The all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.