I love standup and I haven't given it up.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.

I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

Take it from me: If you hear the past speaking to you, feel it tugging up your back and runing its fingers up your spine, the best thing to do-the only thing-is run.

From the Buddhist perspective, the only lasting way to bring about change is for people themselves to change.

If you are not pleased with what you see with your eyes, close your eyes and learn to see from your heart, this is where the true beauty lies.

Of what use are the instruments [religious practices] if they do not help one attain their goal?

I'm a book girl--I love all the stories the world has to offer. No matter the book, I will taste it and drink it down.

DIGNITY OF LABOR indicates that all types of jobs are respected equally.

Dad was an outstanding leader. He'd bring in top thinkers from a wide array of fields - how to fix the Detroit schools, for example. I watched him in these meetings. He listened and probed.

Everyone who knows me knows that I don't have a prejudiced bone in my body.

Christianity is called a spiritual walk. It's not a run and it's not a jog. It's a walk you do from day to day and that makes you stable.

All great power has to do to destroy itself is persist in trying to do the impossible.