I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

The blessing of resistance lies in its power to illuminate those aspects of ourselves which have eluded our appreciation.

People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved.

But anyone with the time and the inclination can acquire technical proficiency. To achieve greatness, though, that requires artistry. That requires imagination and thoughtfulness.

As a child, as a teenager, I was kind of not allowed to wear fashionable clothes.

I've long stopped worrying about who invented whom - God man or man God.

The successful publishing house is the one that can guess ahead, not the one that imitates the past.

When there are boys you have to worry about how you look, and whether they like you, and why they like another girl better, and whether they're going to ask you to something or other. It's a strain.

I never learned to read music.

When a sense of dissatisfaction persists, that means it was placed there by God for one reason only: you need to change everything and move forward.

I think the most important thing is in life, it's all about balance. It's balance between foods you like and nutrition.