I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.

Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.

I meet them in this stadium, strangers at opposing desks until I wave my red flag.

I've got a great repertoire with my players.

All relationship is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.

The 99 percent of those people who voted for Donald Trump are not Alt-righters. They are not racists. They've never even heard of the word.

The first songs I wrote were catchy, but the subject matter was God.

This is - it's a sociological experiment in many ways. And so you're seeing the results of what happens when you put a lot of boys in a room looking at art history.

The only thing not worth destroying is science. That would be useless. Science is unchangeable, and if you destroyed it today, it would rise up again the same as before.

East, to the dawn, or west or south or north! Loose rein upon the neck of - and forth!

Not adding value is the same as taking it away.

Every day is a good day to examine our prime-time priorities.