I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy.

My doctor said I had OCD. I couldn't believe it. I had to call him nine times to make sure.

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car

Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh.

The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.

What if obese people couldn't get married?

Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was.

Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.

We never talked to each other in my family. We communicated by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator.

I have a nice little house in LA. Well, the bedroom is nice. I have French doors in the bedroom. They don't open unless I lick them.

For me, humor is everything!

Let the blossoms of love beautify your heart.

It was not Iraq that knocked down the World Trade Centre.

A Bowen, in the first place, made Bowen's Court. Since then, with a rather alarming sureness, Bowen's Court has made all the succeeding Bowens.

I didn't mind being thought of as dumb. I knew I wasn't.

In a close-up, the audience is only inches away, and your face becomes the stage.

I love you much less than my God, but much more than myself.

The false separation between living and giving must end.

A day will come when a cannon will be exhibited in museums, just as instruments of torture are now, and the people will be astonished that such a thing could have been.

It is nonetheless the best usage that decides the meaning of words.

If the mind is illumined, there is clear blue sky in a dark room. If the thoughts are muddled, there are malevolent ghosts in broad daylight.