I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Where are all the sour patch parents?

the process through which any concept or subject (content) is taught becomes a part of the content. (p19)

The melodious song mesmerized me and cloaked my soul in a most liberating embrace I had never known. The emotion enveloped me, and smothered the emptiness.

Monsters are not born they are made.

I can just talk about my world, and people relate to it because it's so familiar to them. It's them, it's not me. They're hearing themselves.

Being on the cover of a magazine with my son is the best thing ever. It took me 18 years to get my first cover, he gets one at 8 months.

Going to live at Baltimore laid the foundation, and opened the gateway, to all my subsequent prosperity.

It's really just a freedom that we have with Amazon to push ourselves creatively. It allowed me to say, you know, okay this is going to be a little half-hour film here to start the season.

It's really not hard to keep your dignity and sign to a major label... Most people don't have any dignity in the first place.

Terry Southern is the illegitimate son of Mack Sennett and Edna Saint Vincent Millay.

I remember Tucker Toomey was named so because "T's are funny!" And if Garry Marshall says it's funny, by god, it must be so.