I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

People have always said since TV was invented what a cultural wasteland it is but I think it is the worst and the best. It is the golden age of television.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

Sometimes they [people] throw off their freedom so quickly, you'd think it was burning them.

More often than not, how you give is more important than what you give.

Once you realize your past is just a story, it no longer has any power over you.

Stephanie had no problem doing what shewas told, just so long as she was given a good reason why sheshould.

Giving opens the door to abundance.

I love reader mail, and I do read it, but I won't read hate mail.

There is no such thing as abstract art, or else all art is abstract, which amounts to the same thing. Abstract art no more exists than does curved art yellow art or green art.

Some things just aren't meant to go together. Things like oil and water. Orange juice and toothpaste.

We've turned into a nation of mothers to our men. I think it's a dreadful mistake that doesn't benefit anybody.

To me there's no creativity without boundaries. If you're gonna write a sonnet, it's 14 lines, so it's solving the problem within the container.