I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

You know that I could as soon forget you as my existence!

An eternity of wishing to speak directly to my Creator - I thought in despair - and this is how He finally contacts me? Through AOL Instant Messenger?

Courage comes from knowing that fear is a false perception.

Living in alignment with your true self enables you to cultivate transparency and unshakable authenticity.

Sorrow is only one of the lower notes in the oratorio of our blessedness.

Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making something extraordinary happen.

I got pulled over when I was behind the wheel of a Porsche in Philly once for what we call DWB - Driving While Black.

The only new ideas that are not subject to our skepticism or suspicion are our own.

We all would like to struggle like Tiger is struggling.

There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are an open book, generally a check book.