I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

She lost herself in the kiss, moving her body against his, her excitement rising, the tension inside her spinning tighter and tighter.

We're all eaters. That's our bond. Let's be real.

We are not relevant when we mirror secular culture. We are relevant when we are what they long to be.

If I do look back, I'll say that I'm blessed. I'm blessed, and I appreciate God for not only letting me live through everything, but to prosper.

Even in my bravest moment, I am a coward.

It is no use running; to set out betimes is the main point.

How wonderful," he purred. "I've been longing to speak to you for days, Princess Cecelia." "And I've been wanting to kick you in the shin for days.

I believe that writing is an account of the powers of extrication.

It is not the custom of kings to kill kings.