I'm a charming coward; I fight with words.

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.

The absolute truth is the thing that makes people laugh.

Inviting people to laugh with you while you are laughing at yourself is a good thing to do. You may be a fool but you're the fool in charge.

I am an atheist. I have a very different take on who God is. Man invented God because he needed him. God is us.

Give yourself an impossible task and solve it - then you've got a really good story.

A fellow who has a funny bone can learn to hone his skills, but I don't think you can develop a funny bone - you either have it or you don't. And by the way - when you get it, we don't know it.

Lust is easy. Love is hard. Life is most important.

Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. ~Swedish Proverb Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.

Id like to acknowledge three people who early on knew Mel Brooks was one of the funniest people in the world: Sid Caesar, me, and Mel Brooks.

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

The muses are ghosts, and sometimes they come uninvited.

Would that the Roman people had but one neck!

Reader, if you are gifted with nerves like mine, aspire to any character but that of a wit.

Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it.

We own our movie and are now close to breaking even, even without finishing domestic DVD deals.

The music of the Gospel leads us home.

To know how to eat well, one must first know how to wait.

Everyone goes "every comedian does Arnold Schwarzenegger". Yes, they do; but do they do Arnold Schwarzenegger in Brokeback Mountain?

Dark economic clouds are dissipating into an emerging blue sky of opportunity.

Bilingualism for the individual is fine, but not for a country.