I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job; I have the ability to basically write my own ticket.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

This moment is spectacular!

It's okay to be honest about not knowing rather than spreading falsehood. While it is often said that honesty is the best policy, silence is the second best policy.

What is the meaning of life?Life has the meaning that you give it.

If you always tell people why, they'll understand it better, they'll consider it more important, and they'll be more likely to comply.

Just take a look around you: Blood is flowing in rivers and in such a jolly way you’d think it was champagne.

Life is the question and life is the answer, and God is the reason and love is the way.

Separation is not the end of love; it creates love.

How blunt are all the arrows of thy quiver in comparison with those of guilt.

Art is an attempt to understand, yielding pleasure in the attempt whether or not we understand.

Focus on return on equity, not earnings per share.