I'm a foot soldier in the war on Christmas. And the war on puppies and sunshine.

I have no way of knowing how people really feel, but the vast majority of those I meet couldn't be nicer. Every once in a while someone barks at me. My New Year's resolution is not to bark back.

I was up late last night yapping about the elections on CNN and up early this morning doing the same thing in my daughter's kindergarten class.

The modern tribalism of the left demands that each person choose a group and then agree with everything that group agrees with. And anybody who leaves that group is stoned to death.

Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice, but you don't take him seriously. That is Canada.

Feminism's latest victory: the right to get your limbs blown off in war. Congratulations.

Anybody who sides with Canada internationally in a debate between the U.S. and Canada, say, Belgium, is somebody whose opinion we shouldn't care about in the first place.

Unless you know a lot more about something than I do, I am not really that interested. I have too much information already.

It is nice to be around people who think differently than you. They challenge your ideas and keep you from being complacent.

It is increasingly important to be open-minded.

I will say, the one thing Mexico does well is punish prisoners. They do. They're good at that.

Give it time… The weak in character always get tired of pretending. Their true colors will show.

If you want to be in business, your friends need to be in business too.

Patience, Abigail. Patience."Abigail snorted. "Patience, right. I am known for having a great handle on the Fruits of the Spirit.""Interesting. I don't recall manipulation being a Biblical virtue.

Puns are the highest form of literature.

If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter if your alarm doesn't go off in the morning.

All of this is for fun anyway.

All things are plotting to make us whole / All things conspire to make us one.

Usually people are very much focused on keeping their kids alive.

It is not the genius at the top giving directions that makes people great. It is great people that make the guy at the top look like a genius.