I'm a frustrated stand-up comic. If you hand me a microphone and I get one laugh, then I'll go on for 20 minutes.

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.

I have never seen it (Jaws 4) but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built and it is terrific.

...some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

It’s a lesson in life—don’t look back, you’ll trip over.

I'm every bourgeois nightmare - a Cockney with intelligence and a million dollars.

Obsession is a young man's game, and my only excuse is that I never grew old.

Some men just want to watch the world burn

I've always got to have one impossible dream on the back burner.

Use the difficulties - if you can't avoid them

The first actor I ever saw was The Lone Ranger. I thought: "That's what I want to do."

Nice shack

Spiritual knowledge is fruitful only when it is applied

Does this world feel like hell to you? Of course it does, because it is.

I’m quite certain offering to carry out a contract killing violates at least two of Emily Post’s etiquette rules.”--Sloane Barrett, Killer Curves

The actions you take today not only impact you

It is time for us to insist that we are accountable for the money that we are spending.

mother says that two souls are sometimes created together and--and in love before they're born.

Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres. Gaul as a whole is divided into three parts.

My parents own a restaurant in Albuquerque.

Dogs notice, they share, they draw conclusions, they like it when they're able to be of service and are touchingly grateful when they're praised.