I'm a guy who comes from a small town in the Midwest. It's not in my nature to say the most explicit things in public.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

If it isn't urgent, worry about it later

It is the inescapable duty of management to fire incompetent people.

I try not to define myself. Other people are going to do that for you anyway.

I guess we'd be living in a boring, perfect world if everybody wished everybody else well.

I love good rock'n'roll, blues and jazz, gospel, and a little reggae.

Where you quietly know within, you have no choice.

Conquering others requires force. Conquering oneself requires strength

I do not tell lies. Mother used to say that this was because I was a good person. But it is not because I am a good person. It is because I do not tell lie.

The older I've gotten, the more I've learned that I have to open myself up to all opportunities. Maybe I'll get burned and not meet the right people, but I won't know until I do it.

The only orthodox object of the institution of government is to secure the greatest degree of happiness possible to the general mass of those associated under it.