I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Love deeply, love passionately.

Whenever Canada moves to protect its own industries and people, it is subjected to violent attacks in the U.S. Congress and to threats of economic retaliation.

In order to become a big-league manager you have to be in the right place at the right time. That's rule number one.

Are we not like two volumes of one book?

I believe that anything man himself can do for me, God can do for me in a greater way. I decided to pray and to seek God on my own. I just stayed in The Word. And it worked.

Music is a performing art, as any Native American will tell you. It isn't there in the score.

Defect in manners is usually the defect of fine perceptions. Elegance comes of no breeding, but of birth.

We didn't have packed lunches at my school. I was a lunch monitor as well - I used to take everyone's chips!

Beauty is the experience that gives us a sense of joy and a sense of peace simultaneously.

I realized that I needed to be more like the shepherd than the hired hand in protecting my team.