I'm a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Do you think we find Jesus, or does He find us?

The man loves danger and sport. That is why he loves woman, the most dangerous of all sports.

No man can attain to the knowledge of God but by humility. The way to mount high is to descend.

Love commingled with hate is more powerful than love. Or hate.

We built this company from the customer back, not from the company out.

Those who have something to say accept the fact that that's lonely. One already knows that there will be adversaries.

You work your butt off and somebody says you can't have your record played because it offends them. Tyrants are made of such stuff.

You are always flattered when big clubs are interested in you.

And the commitment that I've been giving to the Australian people is that there'll be no surprises and no excuses under a Coalition government.

It’s not a perfect situation. But when you have to choose between two bad options, you pick the one that saves the people you love and believe in most. You just do. Okay?