I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

When you are here, God is near.

Trying to get a fast ball past Hank Aaron is like trying to get the sun past a rooster.

To fear love is to fear life.

America has lost nearly one-third of its manufacturing jobs since 1997 following the enactment of disastrous trade deals supported by Bill and Hillary Clinton.

It is only when you have become that true Self consciously, when all these illusions have fallen away, that you will be perfectly free and perfectly happy.

The truth in you remains as radiant as a star, as pure as light, as innocent as love itself.

I treat my heart like a sick child and gratify its every fancy

There is nothing more flattering than a woman to say 'I'm a fan' or 'I think you're beautiful.' I don't know why, but it means a lot to get a compliment from a woman.

I just like to talk to people. I don't know how to bridge the gap between getting to know someone and then schmoozing and sort of working contacts and business connections.

You know, I have found a new way to get high and stay spaced out for hours on end, and the government can't stop me... It's called senility.