I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

The worldly life (sansar) means a basket full of worries.

Scars are the evidence that wounds can heal. That wounds don't last forever. That healing is possible.

I can say a prayer while washing my teeth, but that does not mean I should wash my teeth in church.

A large portion of the weekend effects is explained by differences in the amount of time spent with friends or family between weekends and weekdays.

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

the 'finely polished word' of Hans Fritzsche was as effective as the surgeon's knife in cutting through the putrefying tissue of lies and laying bare the truth.

There's only 1 way to get rich, quick! But not through a get rich quick scheme. There's a difference.

I feel like everyone wants to make a movie that they feel passionate about watching.

Choices are made in brief seconds and paid for in the time that remains

Everyone sniggered because I was going to do a sandal and toga movie. But I knew exactly how to do it and I know how to make Robin Hood.