I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It is important to recognize guilt as the temporary teacher it is.

When you're writing with an artist or for an artist, you have to help them serve their vision. That's the cool part about writing songs. There are no rules.

Modern medicine is a negation of health. It isn't organized to serve human health, but only itself, as an institution. It makes more people sick than it heals.

Above all, there is no exception to this rule: that the idea of political superiority always resolves itself into the idea of psychological superiority.

I wore bell bottoms in elementary school. Never wore elephant bells. Remember, this was middle Oklahoma in the '70s.

Home is a place in the mind. When it is empty, it frets. It is fretful with memory, faces and places and times gone by. Beloved images rise up in disobedience and make a mirror for emptiness.

Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy have ample wages, but truth goes a begging.

It's great that it's raining. But people should not assume that a little bit of rain is going to solve our problem.

In your heart there is innocence waiting to be free.

If we do not live where we work and when we work we are wasting our lives and our work too.