I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

Volvo — they're boxy but they're good.

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

Music is the surest way of reaching someone else's heart.

Jaguar — For men who'd like hand-jobs from beautiful women they hardly know.

I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

I am trapped in this body, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I can hear the music all around me.

I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.

In the course of an average lifetime anyone growing up in a house with such a clock will hear the tune over a million times.

Change is for a purpose not for a person

The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser―in case you thought optimism was dead.

Writing in a nuanced way, getting at all the details in a way that remains interesting for the reader, is very difficult.

When banks extend loans to their customers, they create money by crediting their customers’ accounts.

The faces in New York remind me of people who played a game and lost.

Class isn't something you buy. Look at you ... you've got on a $500 suit and you're still a low life.

I don't want to be known as the granddaughter of the Hiltons. I want to be known as Paris.

A woman, if you're Most Intelligent or Most Likely to Succeed, that's an embarrassing thing. Or something that's not considered attractive, and I think that's what we need to change.

In order for us, black and white, to disenthrall ourselves from the harshest slavemaster, racism, we must disinter our buried history.... We are all the Pilgrim, setting out on this journey.