I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

We momentarily discover our wings under life-threatening circumstances

I wait for what comes and experience the joy and delight of the unexpected.

The past is as important as the future, but we only live in the here and now.

Overly persuasive a woman's ordinance spreads far, traveling fast; but fast dying a rumor voiced by a woman perishes.

You have to have your face in the food. These days people think a tattoo and a bottle of Sriracha equals success.

A day alone, only that would be death.

We need Netflix. We in the independent sector more than anybody need Netflix, because they care about what we do.

Curiosity and courtesy are very often at variance.

What type of legacy do you want to leave?

I tell the stories in front of audiences and wait for something to happen. It's similar to a standup comic doing his schtick for an audience.