I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

It was pleasant to think that men still sang, even in the midst of butchery and famine.

Luck is not fate. Believe it or not, it's largely an attitude.

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?

Life throws challenges and every challenge comes with rainbows and lights to conquer it

There'll be two buses leaving the hotel for the park tomorrow. The 2:00 bus will be for those of you who need a little extra work. The empty bus will leave at 5:00.

Teaching poetry, teaching as such, is worthy - if back breaking.

For four - fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pondscum.

I grew up in the church, and I feel very strongly about it.

People will often say "You can't change other people." My research shows this societal belief is not only dis-empowering, it is scientifically false.

I've never quit anything in my life.