I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Being human means losing everything we love best in the world," she murmured as she released me. "But would you ask to be anything else?

Maybe people don't think moms are cool. I don't know what to say about it. I don't know. Romantic comedies aren't for everybody, so maybe mom movies aren't for everybody.

You just have to keep getting out of your own way so that whatever it is that wants to be written can use you to write it.

No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky.

I wasn't under the impersonation you meant me.

I started pulling gags on Al [Pachino]. That was the moment I realized that he was absolutely out of his mind. I mean that he's certifiably insane. I wouldn't spend a night in a room where he's at.

When the joy of the job's gone, when it's no fun trying anymore, quit before you're fired.

I just want to keep making music, recording and trying different things. I don't want to do the same thing all the time.

My writing is a very authentic journey of discovery. I'm going out there to learn who I am. My readers, consequently, take the same journey as my protagonist.

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