I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

A good many of the special words of business seem designed more to express the user's dreams than to express a precise meaning.

To say that I'm enjoying a millionaire's lifestyle-well, I can tell you, I guess a millionaire's income doesn't go very far these days.

How old are you Johnny" she asked. Sixteen." And what's that-a boy or a man?" He laughed. "A boy in time of peace and a man in time of war.

Whenever you're making an important decision, first ask if it gets you closer to your goals or farther away.

Yeah, I really like being alive. But I definitely don't have any intentions as an artist.

I don't like celebrities; I don't hang out with them; I don't relate to that life.

Promises are not to be kept, if the keeping of them is to prove harmful to those to whom you have made them.

By the way, that's my number one piece of advice if you're going to join a startup: pick a rocket ship.

I think that at the end of the day, when people understand the circumstances that led to the circumstances, they begin to sway their views.

Man has created death.