I'm an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it.Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair.I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

To talk of a modern work of art enduring is sillier than talking of the eternal values of Standard Oil.

Your past comes with you no matter where you go.

That's politics. After six o'clock, we can be friends, but before six, it's politics.

Work done with little effort is likely to yield little result.

There have not been any troughs as regards my work. There's never been a trough of my assurance.

After half an hour the drug hit me like a sensuous tidal wave. I turned into a tactile temptress and wanted to stroke the whole world. It gave me untold confidence.

Excellent. They were flammable.

God is righteous in making the sinner righteous.

When I'm not longer rapping, I want to open up an ice cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.

I am busy touring all over Europe, Japan, and Australia.