[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

...it's only on a black day that you begin to have friends.

In the marketplace of ideas, a dime is expensive than the cost price of beauty

Need is what tears people apart. When you want someone, you never really need them. But as soon as you start to need someone, they no longer want you.

Candour is the brightest gem of criticism.

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

Feeling well that breathed words Would all be lost, unheard, and vain as swords Against the enchased crocodile, or leaps Of grasshoppers against the sun.

Riot is the voice of the unheard.

You know, I'm no different from a fireman. You got to run into a fire no matter how big the blaze is.

I've forgotten more about music than I ever knew.

In the long dusks of summer we walked the suburban streets through scents of maple and cut grass, waiting for something to happen.