I'm being mocked because I don't live up to a socially determined view of what other people think a person should look like.

For me, a play is a form of writing which isn't complete until it is interpreted by actors. But it's still a form of writing. And so most of my time is spent thinking about how to write a sentence.

It's obviously a characteristic of human beings that we like to feel superior to others, but our problem is we are not superior

Who says one instance of writing has anything in common with another instance?

Even with my wife, I find sharing soup is hard.

I have been vain since birth.

Sleep: a poor substitute for caffeine!

I spend most of my time thinking about things like laundry and buying stationery supplies.

I'm not proud to be me, I'm not excited to be me, but I find that I am me, and like most other individuals, I send out little signals; I tell everyone else how everything looks from where I am.

Patriotism is considered to be an emotion a person ought to feel. But why? Why is it nobler to love your own country than to love someone else's?

I was making my living from a joke about my appearance that I didn't understand, and in a way still don't, because when I look in a mirror it doesn't seem funny to me.

The bark on the tree was just a little softer.

Peace is not about who you can live with, but who you can't live without.

Two important characteristics of maps should be noticed. A map is not the territory it represents, but, if correct, it has a similar structure to the territory, which accounts for its usefulness.

MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

Perception is reality, but it may not be actuality, and you have got to be able to keep the difference between that.

Why are old maps always burnt?

Sometimes I hope that through osmosis I might get a workout - just by wearing the clothes.

The Greater Man upstairs know when it's my time. Right now isn't the time.

There are some people who only know me for cornflakes ads, and that's fine. I have a charmed life.

The odds will always favor the man with a plan