I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Cause and effect is the basis of my education, leading me to an essence far more profound than any rule of societal conditioning.

Blake hung an arm on my shoulders. “Alone at last.”“I’m right here, ” Logan said.“Maybe you shouldn’t be.

Mountains appear more lofty the nearer they are approached but great men resemble them not in this particular.

You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.

It's no wonder there is a mad scramble for victim status on many campuses today. It confers authority and prestige.

I am always suspicious of righteous indignation. Nothing is more cruel than righteous indignation.

A man cannot please long who has only one kind of wit.

Girls are taught to view their bodies as unending projects to work on, whereas boys from a young age, are taught to view their bodies as tools to master their environment

I have been on shop floors. I have talked to a lot of the companies that create jobs in South Carolina and across the country. And what they want is less regulation.

That education is the most important of all professions is a message the public should hear and understand. And, as importantly, a message that our educators need to hear as well.