I'm completely ecstatic when a woman has own back story and brings something to the table and has a real strong kind of independence.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

The choices we make impact not only our life but everyone we come into contact with daily!

I love being a father, it's wonderful. It's changed my life. All the clichés are true.

I am for doing good to the poor, but I differ in opinion about the means. I think the best way of doing good to the poor is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it.

I want to remind all Americans that the Senate has a very important responsibility to confirm only well- qualified individuals who will faithfully interpret the law and the Constitution.

Abundance is mine. I cannot be deprived of my supply. The trees do not lack for leaves, nor do the flowers fail to bloom.

Reading is my greatest luxury.

I'm not observant, personally, but if I ever see a priest resurrect the dead before my eyes I promise to revisit my atheism.

In New Zealand I think we often take ourselves too seriously, and being able to laugh at yourself is necessary in life without being too precious.

Wow. I'm humbled and I'm honored. To be in the International Boxing Hall of Fame with so many of my friends and heroes is overwhelming.

Affliction's sons are brothers in distress; A brother to relieve, how exquisite the bliss!