I'm defending free speech pretty much all over the place because you still have freedom of speech.

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

Imagine the greatness this world would know if kindness were as contagious and enduring as the common cold.

My heart pounded annoyingly in my ears, and it was getting harder to stay focused. I'd almost gotten trapped in here, and now I'd come back. Sometimes I did have truly terrible ideas.

There is nothing glamorous about death.

Nature learns and changes as a result of stimuli, and certain habitats of nature will be formed that weren't there before. That's how I look at reality.

Faith is acting in the face of contrary evidence. The senses declare, "It cannot be," but Faith shouts above the turmoil, "It is!"

If you do not give your children freedom, when they grow up, they will break away from the family, and then your hearts will be broken.

It broke my heart when I learned the moon had been passing the sun’s light off as its own.

The reason why there is now no communist government in Paris is because in the circumstances of 1945 the Soviet army was not able to reach French soil.

What we do stems directly from what we believe.

The ends justifies the means.