I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

What must not be read must not be written

I think it's outrageous if a historian has a 'leading thought' because it means they will select their material according to their thesis

I always knew death of this relation would be the death of my life.

You can either have individual liberty, or dependence on the government. One is designed to undo the other.

My mentors inspired and encourage to fulfill my highest potential.

Genius is the ability to renew one's emotions in daily experience.

Seize opportunity by the forelock and see where it leads you.

I had a very modest upbringing.

I missed him. Love, I realized, was something your spine memorized. There was nothing you could do about that.

I was wishing I'd bought some of that Camp Half Blood orange thermal underwear..." ?!?!