I'm free to do what I please, I'm probably not going to do albums. Just because I think releasing tracks as singles is a better way for me to stay topical.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

They are coming to teach us good manners!" I replied in English. "But they won't succeed, because we are gods.

Villainy that is vigilant will be an overmatch for virtue, if she slumber at her post.

You can't just will your dreams to come true. You have to work hard. You have to give 'em wings, arms, legs...whatever it takes to make your dreams come true.

If you do the bare minimum, expect bare minimum results. You want to be great, work to be great. Nothing just happens

The intellectual imagination! With me all or not at all. NON SERVIAM!

There are certain actors who are very good at improvising, like Dustin Hoffman and Glenda Jackson.

My greatest responsibility is to acknowledge the mistakes and the shortcomings of the country in which I live, to acknowledge my privileges, and to try to make it a better place.

There is as much expression in the feet as in the hands.

I learned to stand up for myself at school where I was never too popular.

An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the long run doesn't matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run.