I'm from Downer's Grove, Illinois. We had a blackout there the other day, but fortunately the police made him get back into his car before he got too far.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

everyday i wish her to be mineevery moment i wish that wish again

They are les misérables - the outcasts, the underdogs. And who is to blame? Is it not the most fallen who have most need of charity?

Hairpieces are brilliant for adding volume.

I am calling on everyone in this state to put the chaos and the division of the recall behind us and do what's right for this great state of California.

Stillness overcomes heat.

Like other high subjects, the Law gives no ground to common sense.

Great men grow tired of contentedness.

The best methods are those which help the life energy to resume its inner work of healing

turn and turn and turn again you see the what, but not the when remedy and wrong entwine and so they form a single vine