I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.

I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kind of places.

I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there's been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.

I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.

As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!

I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.

Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that connection you have with the audience. It's euphoric.

A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.

Have courage to let go of the matter which doesn't matter!

Our reluctance to honestly examine the experience of aging and dying has increased the harm we inflict on people and denied them the basic comforts they most need.

Oh, say! what is that thing call'd light, Which I must ne'er enjoy? What are the blessings of the sight? Oh, tell your poor blind boy!

You have to have a darkness...for the dawn to come. You have to have experienced difficulties and challenges to fully appreciate and be grateful for success.

Im pretty aggressive, and maybe obnoxious, about trying to get work.

We can't be fighting the last war. We have to be preparing to fight the new war.

Even one kid going hungry in America is one too many. How can we stand by when the reality is that there are more than 12 million underfed children in the U.S.? We can make a difference.

I think recharging is important, absolutely. Every now and then, you need maybe a couple of weeks to just chill out and let your emotions balance themselves out a little bit.

The road to glory cannot be followed with much baggage.