I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

He thoroughly intended to do some major grovelling. Olympic-style begging, if necessary.

She was so full of holes now, she was like a Swiss cheese.

We have forty-four defenses for him, but he has forty-five ways to score.

You have to be critical of what you do every day, to analyze it and be willing to push it further.

I'm vain. My arms are thin, but I'm vain about loose flesh. And so I'm careful that what I wear will show off my best parts, which are my waist and my butt.

Every letter was a love letter.

It's always been my dream to be on the stage with my band, singing my music. That's always been, and always will be.

I think you gotta look at stuff half-full as opposed to half-empty.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

No matter how much time has passed, these things still affect us and the world we live in. If you don't pay attention to the past, you'll never understand the future. It's all linked together.