I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

[I'm]a freak user of words, not a poet.

Without sharks, you take away the apex predator of the ocean, and you destroy the entire food chain.

If you took away music, I wouldnt have a reason to live.

What divides us pales in comparison to what unites us.

If being a decent soul is being maternal, then fine. I'll call it human.

Many think that assigning blame settles matters.

The law of life is to leave behind the ground one is standing on and then step forward.

To withhold forgiveness is to take poison and expect the unforgiven to die.

Anarchism is a theory of political science and is opposed to government in the political sense.

Conservatism is the politics of reality