I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.

Flowers are prettiest where they are watered the most.

I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than to be crowded on a velvet cushion.

For every pass I caught in a game, I caught a thousand in practice.

Twitter is crack for media addicts.

Nature is rarely allowed to enter the sacred portals of civilized society.

Unity is vision; it must have been part of the process of learning to see.

Blogging, I love you no matter how out of fashion you are.

We turned on one another deep, drowned gazes, and exchanged a kiss that reduced my bones to rubber and my brain to gruel.

Sometimes you have to learn how to shoot first.

Life does not ask what we want. It presents us with options