I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

When you find a way to incorporate your goals and dreams with what you enjoy most, then you have found success!

You’ll never have control over other people's decisions, or what cards life deals you. Your power lies in the choosing of your response. That is the one thing you can control.

Feel the emotions in my work not the technicality.

My soul is dark with stormy riot: directly traced over to diet.

Too much of what is called 'education' is little more than an expensive isolation from reality.

We can change the direction of the country with our vote.

…my Solitude is my Treasure, the best thing I have.

The songs come from a vulnerable place, but expressing that part of yourself can also make you feel fearless.

That's what I love about film scoring. Every situation is new. Every show is a new adventure.

I'm not much of a horror fan. When it comes to ghost stuff and demon stuff, I can't watch that.