I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.

They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby - awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.

The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.

Accidents happen all the time.

Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.

Do you know the sums that I do?” “I count my blessings.

The pitcher setting up the batter. It's chess, and you play with it.

When I went to law school, nobody heard of civil rights.

I just didn’t spend enough time with my job.

If I had to take hell, I would use the Australians to take it and the New Zealanders to hold it.

Succeeding is not really a life experience that does that much good. Failing is a much more sobering and enlightening experience.

Do some yoga. I never feel more beautiful than after I've really spent some time breathing.

I see a cute guy in Starbucks and I'm like... 'Oh, okay,' and I walk out. But who knows? Maybe I will ask somebody on a date soon!

I believe that everyone has it in them to kill another person. In desperation, or hatred, or at least to defend themselves.

More scientific language and less diplomatic rhetoric may make this world even better.