I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

In being able to learn from his mistakes and grow, Eisenhower "was transformed from a mere person into a personage.

Why choose when you can have everything?

Actions have consequences. Kids today don’t think about that. It’s like, ‘Hey, wouldn’t this be awesome?!’ Consequences? What are those?

The boy is not governed by don't, but is led by do.

The exchange by e-mail is more intimate than conversation - you allow yourself to say things you otherwise wouldn't.

God, great principle of all minor principles, God, who is Himself without a principle, could not conceive Himself, if, in order to do it, He required to know His own principle.

In the beginning, the head of the Gods called a council of the Gods; and they came together and concocted a plan to create the world and people it.

The only way to not get criticized is to not do anything.

I've always been a fan of Andy Kaufman.

I really believe that you never stop learning.