I'm having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in the restaurant that comes to your table to make sure everything's all right.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Guilt takes away the energy and strength and reduces a person’s productivity

But pain's like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.

To find out what happens to a system when you interfere with it you have to interfere with it (not just passively observe it).

Revenge is a really narrow scope through which to view things. In the same way secrets do, it has this ability to warp everything. But secrets are more inward, and revenge is outward.

I kept looking for a logic that would explain life. It never occurred to me that instead love is the vital synthesis.

Women now have to put so much attention into their careers, and not many families can pull off a single income.

I don't like films giving me answers. I like films that are provoking me, that are making me feel not only being in an easy place.

I was a communist, but being left-wing was fashionable. I was no different from thousands of middle-class kids.

Congress should pass legislation to remove from the federal courts their jurisdiction to hear these outrageous challenges to the Ten Commandments and the Pledge of Allegiance.

I'd like to explain why you fine young men had to be blown apart to defend this mud hole.